Day 25: The man in my life.

Today I learned a little something about what men in my life I can rely on. In my life I have had a lot of ups and downs. I have dated, I have dumped guys, I have been dumped, I have made new friends, lost old friends, I have had long term fights, I have cried by the cause of others, and I have screamed.

Through all of this turmoil and rollercoaster of emotion, for the past 7 years there has been one guy who has been able to make me smile no matter what. There is one guy who has make me feel comforted in any situation. There is one guy whose words are always exactly what I need to hear and perfect for whatever I am feeling.

Last night I saw this guy again for the first time in 4 years. Last night was the 4th time that I have even been with him. An even after last night, I have still actually never met this man. Yes, thats right. This person who has helped me through every difficult situation in the past 7 years, celebrated with me in times of happiness, and very well could be the love of my life is also technically a complete stranger.

This man, is John Mayer.

Last night I saw him perform at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center and I learned that he can still light me up like nobody else can and I learned that he has consistenly been the one man that I can rely on through anything.

The show was amazing and I sang along to every word of every song-- including one that I've waited years to hear live, Love Soon.

That being said, I must say that I am a little worried about John. He didn't look well last night. He was wearing baggie jeans, a LONG stretched out black t-shirt (it reminded me of the disgusting t-shirts that my little brother wears to bed that have no shape and are completely stretched out around the neck), and sneakers. He has a new haircut, new sleeve of tattoos, and looks INCREDIBLY thin. He didn't talk to the crowd or engage us as he has always done in past shows.

My theory? I think that he is on drugs. I also think that Jen Aniston broke up with HIM because of these struggles he is dealing with. Through the past 6 months, what I've been hearing in interviews, reading on his blog, and witnessing with my own eyes implies a man who isn't happy. My biggest fear is that he will be the next tragic loss of talent, the next Heath Ledger. I really do think that John is genuinely grateful and happy for his fans. In fact, I think that we are one of the only things that is keeping him going right now. I think John is feeling like a lot of people in their 20s and 30s or at any age of life can feel... lost, scared, alone, unsure of what to do or where to go next, and pondering the meaning of life.

Luckily for me, I've had John himself to be there for me when I feel that way. I've learned today that he has been one constant in my life that has changed drastically since I started listening to his music. We all need a person like that. I hope that John finds one soon.